Seifer's court
by Sailor Erin
Summary: I know the two titles aren't like each other, but, this is where Seifer is a judge. Zell the officer, and much much more. Please R&R.


  
  
  
The only thing that will never ever happen in real life or in FF8's life  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I do NOT own any character of FF8, k.  
  
NOTE: I spelled Irvine wrong on purpose, so don't tell me it's "Irvine" not "Irvin", that goes to his last name too.  
  
NOTE #2: this may turn into a none-plot story. Don't kill me if it does.  
  
NOTE #3: I know the title dosn't have a meaning, but I just names it like that.  
  
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One day Rinoa heartly did something wrong and Squall didn't like it. So he called a Layer and a court was opened. The letters arrived at 3:00pm at Miss Heartly's house. And at 1:00pm at Mr. Lionheart's house.  
  
Anyway, 3:00pm at the court…  
  
Judge: Miss Heartly is late officer. Are you sure you sent the letter at 1:00pm?  
  
Officer: of course yer honor. You can even ask her when she comes.  
  
Judge: We will see.  
  
Three hours later…  
  
Rinoa: …huff…puff…meanies…you…sent…me…the…letter…three…hours…ago…  
  
Judge: then why didn't you come when the letter arrived? * Looks at officer*  
  
Officer: heh heh…  
  
Rinoa: I was putting on makeup. HEY! You're Seifer!!!!!  
  
Seifer: ahhhhhhhh!!!! HELP ME!!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT THE JUDGE!!!!! I WAS ONLY KIDDING!!!  
  
Rinoa: I won't do anything to you Seifery-poo! I have my Squally-poo and my Irvinny-poo in case.  
  
Squall & Irvin: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Seifer: LET'S START THE COURT! What's wrong here? What did this whore do now?   
  
Rinoa: HEY!  
  
Officer: She flirted with three people, you being the first, Squall the second, and Irvin being third.  
  
Rinoa: I DID NOT!  
  
Seifer: SILENCE! I never went out with her.  
  
Officer: But it says here you did.  
  
Seifer: Psst (I don't care Officer Dincht, I do not want to go up on the stand, I get nerves).  
  
Zell: *laughs like hell* Psst (But yer on that chair 24 hours a day)  
  
Seifer: I don't care!!  
  
All the people in the court: * stare at him* huh?  
  
Seifer: never mind. Miss Tilmett, call your first witness (Selphie is on Rinoa's side for some odd reson).  
  
Selphie: I call Irvin Kiniass   
  
Irvin: * walks up to the stand and sits on the chair*   
  
Zell: Do you swear Mr. Kiniass that you will tell the truth, the real truth, and nothing but the truth.  
  
Irvin: I do. *Sits on the chair *  
  
Selphie: Irvin, did Rinoa ever flirt with you?  
  
Quistis: * Squall's Lawyer* Objection!! She can't ask that question, she's on Rinoa's side.  
  
Seifer: and do I care. You may go on Miss Telmitt.  
  
Selphie: answer the question KINIASS!  
  
Irvin: once.  
  
Selphie: no further questions.  
  
Seifer: Miss Trepe?  
  
Quistis: Where did Rinoa flirt with you Kiniass?  
  
Irvin: In Galbadia Garden.  
  
Quistis: were you comfortable with that?  
  
Irvin: huh?  
  
Quistis: in other words, okay.  
  
Irvin: I flirt with girls, BUT THAT'S DIFFERNET! But no, not at all.  
  
Quistis: thank you, no further questions.  
  
Seifer: * playing with his game boy*   
  
Zell: Psst (Yer on man)   
  
Seifer: * realizes that he is* OH! ONLY THREE QUESTIONS?! I thought you were Lawyers!   
  
Quistis & Selphie: We are!  
  
Seifer: approach!  
  
Quistis & Selphie: WHAT?!  
  
Seifer: Do this the right way or else!  
  
Quistis & Selphie: ok.  
  
Seifer: good. You may go back.  
  
Seifer: Any other witnesses?   
  
Selphie: Can we rest this case 'til after lunch? I'm starving.  
  
Seifer: …whatever. The case rests 'til after lunch.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Anyway, at Lunch room…  
  
  
Squall is sitting on the table eating some kinda salad (He says he's on diet for some reason) Rinoa walks up to him and asks:  
  
Rinoa: Squally-poo! Mind if I sit?  
  
Squall: YEAH!  
  
Rinoa: *Giggle* Thanks *Sits down*  
  
Squall: (Freakin' slut!)  
  
Rinoa: MEANIE! I heard that!  
  
Squall: Do I care?  
  
Rinoa: You're no fun!  
  
Squall: *About to light a cigarette*   
  
Rinoa: YOU SMOKE! Can I have one!?  
  
Squall: *Puts away his cigarettes* No! I don't! I just…put them for no reason!  
  
Rinoa: oh! Me too, I just wanted to try.  
  
Squall: DAMN!  
  
Rinoa: Hey! Wanna go to the Hony-bee inn tomorrow?  
  
Squall: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Rinoa: EEK!!!!  
  
3 hours later at the court…  
  
Seifer: Is the defense ready?  
  
Rinoa *playing with Squall's ring*  
  
Selphie: *playing with her Teddy bear*   
  
Seifer: IS THE DEFENSE READY?!  
  
Selphie: *throws her teddy bear* Y-y-yes your honor.  
  
Seifer: Are you ready old people?  
  
Jury: WE ARE NOT OLD!  
  
Seifer: whatever…are the others ready?  
  
Others: yes!  
  
Seifer: Miss Tilmitt, call your witness.  
  
Selphie: I call Mr. Irvin Kiniass to the stand.  
  
Quistis: objection! She just called him.  
  
Seifer: So what? I don't care.  
  
Quistis: GRRR!!  
  
Irvin: *sits on the chair* Do I have to swear again?  
  
Selphie: Mr. Kiniass, you're still under oath. Have you known Rinoa since you were kids?  
  
Irvin: THANK GOD NO!  
  
Rinoa: MEANIE! We have known each other for 17 years!  
  
Seifer: Miss Tilmitt, tell your client shut the hell up!  
  
Selphie: Yes your honor. *Walks to Rinoa* psst (Shut the hell up!)  
  
Rinoa: (MEANIE!)  
  
Selphie: No further questions!  
  
Quistis: Irvin, I know you're a lady's man (yeah right) and all. Do you think Rinoa flirted with you 'cause of that?  
  
Selphie: Cute teddy bear. Cute teddy bear!  
  
Seifer: Zell, remind me not to come to courts that have Selphie for a Lawyer.  
  
Zell: Yes your honor.  
  
Irvin: Ya know I'm open 24 hours a day.  
  
Quistis: answer the question Kiniass!  
  
Irvin: My charms can make any girl love me. So, yes I think so.  
  
Quistis: (yeah right) No further questions.  
  
Seifer: You may go back to your seat Kiniass.  
  
Irvin: Like cool man. *Goes back to his seat*  
  
Selphie: I call Tifa Lockheart to the stand.  
  
Quistis: OBJUCTION! Tifa doesn't even know Rinoa.  
  
Seifer: They look a like.  
  
Quistis: you're on her side?  
  
Seifer: I never said that!  
  
Squall: …whatever.  
  
Quistis: Damn it Squall! Say something worth it!  
  
Squall: (I wonder what Edea is doing)  
  
Quistis: Squall!  
  
Squall: (And Sis, and I wonder what dad is doing)  
  
Quistis: freakin' hell Squall answer me!  
  
Squall: huh!? Oh, sorry.  
  
Quistis: JEEZ!  
  
Tifa: I'm really bored here.  
  
Zell: oh yeah! Do you swear Miss Lockheart that you will say the truth only and the real truth and nothing else than the truth?  
  
Tifa: yep!  
  
Zell: *catches Tifa's eyes* Hell she's beautiful!  
  
Tifa: *catches him glaring at her* my god!  
  
Zell: *drool*  
  
Tifa: (I don't care about Cloud anymore, I won't tell him that I love him or anything, this guy is great!)  
  
Seifer: Officer Chicken-Wuss and Miss Lockheart!  
  
Zell & Tifa: YES!  
  
Seifer: snap out of it!  
  
Zell & Tifa: okay!  
  
Seifer: Selphie, begin.  
  
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Selphie: Miss Lockheart, do you "know" Rinoa?  
  
Tifa: ummm…nope.  
  
Quistis: * buries face in hands * oh my god…* shakes head*  
  
Selphie: okay, no more questions.  
  
Quistis: Miss Lockheart- (what am I doing) never mind.  
  
  
Suddenly, some guy comes in.  
  
Cloud: HEY! DO YA HAVE ANY JOB HERE?!  
  
All: * confused *  
  
Cloud: I take that as a no. * leaves *  
  
Seifer: Your witness?  
  
Selphie: I call…ummm…ahhh…DAMMIT!  
  
Quistis: …  
  
Selphie: Headmaster Cid!  
  
Headmaster Cid: * goes to the seat *  
  
Zell: do you swear that you will tell the truth, yada yada yada? Do you?  
  
Headmaster Cid: yes. * sets down *  
  
Selphie: Headmaster Cid, how long have you known Rinoa?  
  
Headmaster Cid: not for long, for 10 years only.  
  
Selphie: did she ever "flirt with you" in this "short" time?  
  
Quistis: THAT'S IT! I QUIT!  
  
Squall: no wait! Quistis! WAIT! OHMYGOD!  
  
Seifer: where's that Cloud guy when you need him.  
  
Cloud: huff…puff…I'm…here!  
  
Seifer: you've got a job!  
  
Squall: oh god, if I ever get outta this alive, kill Seifer for me.  
  
Seifer: C'mon! whatCHA waitin for?  
  
Cloud: alriiiight! I'm your new lawyer, pleased to meat you.  
  
Squall: …whatever.  
  
Seifer: ANYWAY! Selphie…  
  
Selphie: answer the question Headmaster Cid Kramer!  
  
Headmaster Cid Kramer: umm…I dunno, maybe once when Squall, Seifer, and Irvin were out.  
  
Irvin: oh my god.  
  
Girl next to Irvin warring a cowgirl suit: don't worry Irvin, it happens to me too.  
  
Irvin: it does? But you don't have a name?  
  
Girl next to Irvin warring a cowgirl suit now known as Clare (Clair): see.  
  
Irvin: hahahahahahahahahaha!!! NICE ONE!  
  
Clare: that's it! * goes out from court *  
  
Irvin: and I didn't flirt with her…  
  
Selphie: no further questions.  
  
Cloud: * extremely excited * ahem! Ok Cid, mind callin you that?  
  
Cid: yeah!  
  
Cloud: Anyway, Headmaster Cid Kramer, when did you see Rinoa?  
  
Cid: it is a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong story…  
  
10 years ago…  
  
Rinoa: one more dance Squally-poo?  
  
Squall: (god how I wish I could kill her) * smiles * okay.  
  
Rinoa: * giggles *  
  
Squall: (Oh my god)  
  
They both dance, then they run into Cid and Edea.  
  
Edea: oh, so you gained your own life back sweet little girl (yeah whatever)  
  
Cid: uh huh! (ASS HEAD)  
  
Back to the present 2008 (since FF8 was released in 1998) (it did)  
  
Cloud: what a looooooooooooooooooooooong story Headmaster Cid Krmer.  
  
Cid: yeah.  
  
Most of the people in the court + Squall + Selphie + Rinoa + Seifer + Irvin + Clare out side: snore snore snore…  
  
Zell: hey! Judge Seifer Almasy wake up!  
  
Seifer: * wakes up * huh?!  
  
Zell: your on!  
  
Seifer: oh yes, finished?  
  
Cloud: yepers!  
  
Tifa: Cloud! You've changed!  
  
Cloud: I know!  
  
Tifa: I LOVE YOU!  
  
Cloud: oh I love you too!  
  
Tifa and Cloud run for each other and that music starts, they hug, kiss, and do something that can't be said on live T.V.  
  
Squall: I have no lawyer!  
  
Rinoa: I'm going to flirt with more! * goes to flirt with all the "people" in the place *  
  
Seifer: I have failed being a judge! No more Mr. Your honor.  
  
Quistis: [believe me, you do NOT wanna know] [lol]  
  
Selphie: I'll go play with my little cute teddy bears! * goes to play with her little cute teddy bears *  
  
Little cute teddy bears: THE HORROR! THE HORROR!  
  
Zell: why didn't I listen to my mom and became an actor? BUT NO! I hadtta become like my dad!  
  
Zell's mother now known as Martha: Don't worry baby! It's alright. Come to mama!  
  
Zell: MOM! NOT INFRONT OF THE PEOPLE!  
  
The people: snore snore…  
  
Zell: ok. NOT INFRONT OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WATCHING US ON LIVE T.V.!  
  
The people that are watching then on live T.V: snore snore…  
  
Zell: ok. NOT INFRONT OF THE AUTHOR!  
  
Author: snore snore…  
  
Zell: where are you people! Don't leave me alone! Not with my mom! * the screen begins to get black * NOOOOOOOO!!! * it's all black now *   
  
Martha: Come to me honey! Let me hug you like when you were little.  
  
Zell: * runs through black screen * AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Martha: * stands infront of black screen * huh?! Did I do something wronge?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
